My Father Never Called Me Tom

by Thomas M. Pender

 

My father never called me Tom.

He called me Little Guy,

then Grump,

then Bosco,

then Stretch.

Thomas Michael when I was in trouble.

He called Debi Skeeter.

Kristi was Punkin.

Mom was Willard.  She hated it

but loved it.

We never called my father Father.

My father was a Daddy, then

a Dad, then

an Old Fart.  He answered to

Hey You.

Never Father.

My dad told me he loved me in

a million ways except

by saying “I love you.”  I

couldn’t tell him either.  But we knew.

written by t. michael pender  3/8/88

copyright 1988 T. Michael Pender.  All rights reserved.

The Ultimate (and Impossible) Cure For Bigotry

by Thomas M. Pender

I have always had a major problem with bigots.  Even as a very young TV addict, I never liked Archie Bunker.  It took many years for me to figure out that the audience was laughing at his small-minded character.  When I would watch the show with my grandmother, all I saw was an awful person with horrid ideas about people, based on elements that should not be used as human categories.

The amazing thing was that Archie Bunker’s daughter Gloria didn’t have as small a mind as her father.  Typically, racism and all other forms of bigotry are force-fed from generation to generation.  As babies and small children, we revere our parents, and believe that every word from their lips is gospel.  This is where bigots come from.  If all a child hears from a loved one is that any particular group of humans is worthless, that child will believe it, just as they believe everything else their loved one teaches them.

So years ago, I came up with a solution to all bigotry as we know it.  It will never happen, but it brings a smile to my face to muse about it.  In this fantasy, the procedure would go as follows: Adjust the questions on the census polls to include attitudes about immigration, various ethnic, social and belief-based groups, and other bigotry-inducing topics.  Use this information to locate all the households in the country (and the world would follow after our tremendous example, no doubt!) that include both bigots and children under the age of four.  Next, take the children under the age of four away from the bigots, and give them to households with more humane views on other humans.  Then wait about 100 years for all the existing bigots over the age of four to shuffle off the mortal coil.

Voila!  With no children to whom bigots could teach bigotry, the practice itself would eventually die.

But again, this is sheer fantasy.  The good news in the real world is that interracial and interfaith marriages and families are much more common, which means that future generations will have such mixed heritages, that there will be very few groups and individuals against whom they could even form prejudices.

Since childnapping – even for the greater good – is not only highly unlikely, but rather creepy, perhaps what humans should aim for is the creation of an actual “human race,” through the fine art of comingling the existing races.  According to the Old Testament, the races and nationalities were created as a punishment.  Let us prove we have learned our lesson, and while we promise not to challenge God again or be silly enough to believe we can build a tower to Heaven, let us become one society.  Let’s not wait for the Martians to attack in order to find a common ground with our fellow humans.

Simply love your brother and sister humans for the sheer joy of bigots’ discomfort.  That’s an awesome enough reason in itself!

That Old Theatre Magic

by Thomas M. Pender

I love going to movies.  Renting and buying DVDs are nice and convenient methods, but the experience of going to the show, buying tickets and junk food, and shushing other people (or being shushed) is another kind of fun that I treasure.  Even more, I love the experiences you can’t get anymore, unless you seek them out and find them in places not widely known.

I love the older theatres, built in the first half of the 20th Century, and I love drive-ins.

The Fox Theatre (also known as “the fabulous Fox” by locals) was built in 1928 in the heart of downtown Detroit.  It was fully restored in 1988, and listed as a National Historic Landmark in 1989.  I had heard of it for years growing up in the suburbs, mostly as a venue for concerts, but I was only inside the Fox once.  I went with a friend to attend a special showing of Citizen Kane in 1991, to commemorate the 50th anniversary of the classic film’s release.  At the end of the 1980s, we had come to love the film after numerous viewing on VHS, and we were excited to see it up on the big screen for the first (and quite possibly, the only) time.

The outside of the Fox is brightly lit with lively lights, and seems to belong more on a Broadway avenue than Detroit’s Woodward Avenue, where (at least in 1991) it was situated among abandoned and decaying buildings.  As flashy and loud as the outside looked, the inside was pure class.  With just over 5,000 seats, it is the largest movie theatre I have ever been in.  The intricate wood moldings are still present and fully restored, as are the balconies, and it still has a 2,700-pipe organ, which was playing as we entered.

No one builds anything like this anymore.  No one carves anything for theatres or puts in velvet seat covers these days.  It’s sad in a way, but it also makes these existing buildings treasures.

In Kenosha, Wisconsin, I discovered the Orpheum Theatre.  Closed now, it was a “dollar show” second-run movie house when I lived down the street in 1999.  Being inside the theatre was an exploration in itself.  With two screens on the main floor, you climbed a steep staircase to get to the third screen room, and another to reach the fourth.  Fire hazard and handicap accessibility issues aside, it was a great deal of fun to get to the show, as well as see the show itself, at the Orpheum.

A few years ago, I experienced something I hadn’t since I was a teenager: the drive-in movie.

Not only does Atlanta still have the Starlight Six Drive-In, built in 1949, but due to the weather, it’s open year-‘round!  You can bring in your own food or visit the Snack Bar, and choose from six pairs of first-run films to enjoy.  The only things missing for the full nostalgia feel are the speakers.  Modern technology has allowed the film soundtracks to be broadcast in stereo on FM radio.  (Each screen has a different frequency.)  It’s an easy thing to sacrifice the nostalgia once you hear the film in stereo as loud or soft as you care to play it.  According to drive-ins.com, it is one of only 368 operating drive-ins in the country.  At its peak in the 1950s, there were between 4,000 and 5,000 screens up in the U.S.  In the ‘70s and ‘80s, there were at least four drive-ins in my hometown area.  If you haven’t been in decades, or if you’ve never been, get to a drive-in at least once.  You can search for the closest screens at www.drive-ins.com, and find the best place to share a new (or old, depending on how you look at it!) experience with your loved ones.

I love viewing DVDs at home, but I truly hope these and other venues like them last forever.  (P.S., somebody open the Orpheum back up!)

Ten Signs That I’m Old

by Thomas M. Pender

10)          I miss letter writing and visiting people in person

9)            I can’t name a single song that’s been released since 1990

8)            Trips to the doctor mainly consist of questions about “odd things” that are happening

7)            My oldest called me this week, just to check in and see if I was doing okay

6)            The conspicuous presence of gray hairs and lack of blond hairs in the sink when I cut my hair

5)            “Why the hell did I come into this room?” crosses my mind way too often

4)            If I have to bend down to pick something up, there is always a two-second debate in my head about how much I really need it

3)            I’ve started considering checking out the Large Print section of the bookstore

2)            Every day, waitresses look less and less unsure as they ask me if I’m a senior

and

1)            Movie theatre = comfy chair + darkness + climate control = nap!