Ten Great Things About Temp Work

by Thomas M. Pender

10)          Your superiors are always happy to see you

9)            No chore is beyond your ability

8)            Dress code, schmess code!

7)            When your time is already paid for, and they don’t have work for you . . . hmmm, what’s in the fridge today?

6)            Remembering names isn’t really an issue

5)            You’re invited to all the chili cook-offs, Thanksgiving potlucks and birthday celebrations, where your only assignment is to eat

4)            Not only is it not frowned upon, but it’s expected that you’ll be schmoozing and networking for your next job

3)            Temp work teaches you to never burn bridges, because you never know what co-temps or temp bosses you’re going to work with or for again in the near future

2)            You won’t be in one spot long enough to learn to dislike anyone

and

1)            Whenever blame is flying about, you can always do the “Hey, I’m just a temp.  What do I know?” bit

Ten Suspected Dorm Food Ingredients

by Thomas M. Pender

Until I lived in the dormitories of Michigan State University, beginning at age 18, it seemed that I could never gain weight, and I loved that.  Once exposed to the food in the dorms, my metabolism seemingly shut down, and my weight snowballed.  These are my prime suspects to that crime.

10)          Lard

9)            Helium

8)            Lard

7)            Steroids (the kind that aim only at the stomach!)

6)            Lard

5)            Starch (straight outta the can)

4)            Lard

3)            Marshmallow filling, by the truckloads

2)            Lard

and

1)            Fix-A-Flat