Nose Blowing and True Love

by Thomas M. Pender

How do you know when someone really loves you?  This may be the one eternal “curiosity.”  For many years, I found it pretty easy to spot when someone didn’t love me, but how do you know when someone really notices you, pays attention to you, thinks of you when you’re not around, and above all, puts some measure of importance on who you are and everything about you?

Surprisingly, in my case, I found out when I had a runny nose.

My fiancée Pam was born and raised in a foreign country.  Long story short: through the magic of the internet, we met, became friends and fell in love.  She has been to the States four times to visit me.  She is a very intelligent, warm and silly person, all important elements of why I love her.  We express our love in many ways, including saying it, but as all humans know, it’s the little things people do to show us we are loved that really matter.

One day, after Pam had only been to see me twice (the first trip being only three days long, and the second about five days), we were talking on the phone, and I excused myself to set the phone down and blow my nose.  Upon hearing me complete this mission and pick the phone back up, Pam said, “You must be eating something hot.”

It is a fact that when some people eat particularly hot or spicy foods, they sweat.  Others, such as myself, instead of having their pores open up, have their sinuses open up.  For us, eating hot and/or spicy foods involves having either a handkerchief or a stack of napkins at the ready.  Between every second or third bite, these handy implements are put to task.

With her simple statement, I was immediately shocked and impressed.  Prior to meeting Pam, I had been in relationships lasting various lengths of time, up to and including eight years.  Since I hardly ever get sick, all of these women had the opportunity to notice such a small detail about me as hot foods loosening up my nasal cavities, yet only Pam did!  Add to that the fact that we hadn’t known each other for much more than a year, and in that time, we had only been together an amassed two weeks at most.

We are not a perfect couple.  No couple is.  We have ups and downs, spats and make-ups, peaks and valleys, like everyone else.  But underneath it all, deeper than the daily challenges of two humans trying to co-exist in one relationship, we have a rare knowledge.  Many people want others to love them, hope that others love them, and trust that others love them.  It’s an incredible thing to know that someone you treasure loves you.

Finding out that someone really loves you can happen in countless ways and means.  Everybody expresses love differently, and everybody perceives love differently.  For me, after spending years wondering if someone was paying attention to who I was, one simple statement did the trick.  I believed Pam loved me before that day, and had no doubts.  On that day, however, I knew she loved me, and I’ve known ever since.

The measure of most every major accomplishment in Life is found in the details.  Love is no exception.  In fact, Love is probably the ultimate example.